transcendental vs earthly love

Love hurts. It shouldn't be that way. Transcendental love may hurt if you are taking upon yourself the sorrows of another in prayer or meditation, but to walk in that state is sublime. It overcomes whatever road blocks life puts in your way, you 'float' over them.

But love between humans, love that does not also share the transcendental Reality, sucks. It seems to operate at the most base level of the human, the untranscended form. Is there a transcending love? I make observations of other humans that empirically seem to lean in that direction, but on an experiential level I have yet to discover the answer.

One friend may be on the right track. He remembers the woman who bore his children, and inspite of her rejecting and betraying him, he claims she is the only love of his life. He chooses to live his own independent life protected from making that mistake again by persuading himself that he has found his one true love. His natural bent is towards hermithood, so he has the best of two worlds.

What causes the pain? It is the rising up of untamed human emotions. Greed, ego gratification, ignorance, intolerance, impatience, the seven cardinal sins. How do people deal with it? I guess sometimes they just harden their heart, turn a blind eye, work a patch around that blind spot and move on. Denial: it wasn't my fault, it was YOU. Or they can face up to the pain together, look at it in clear light, and apply a remedy. People can change, if they are committed to change. But how many people really are?

I believe I am ready for change. I look at this shattered relationship, and I can name my faults. Because the other party is not committed to the relationship, not committed to change, I can not learn a new way to behave, when this fault tries to arise again. The fault doesn't go away just because I recognize it. It is like any other habit; it requires step by step action to reduce its power and to change. Like quitting smoking, where you have to learn to feel the impulse to smoke and then apply countermeasures to distract and eventually extinguish that impulse.

I can remember a time when I was living in community, in the early years of the new millennium. We could laugh at my clumsy, abrasive ways of expressing myself. They accepted me and all my faults. Their persistent friendship through the years and separation of miles shows that they went beyond the external appearances and saw the loving, caring heart beneath. Even with differences of age and perspectives, they love me. When in community, I found it easier to control those unrefined parts of me.

I do not believe that humans are meant to live alone, I don't care how realized they may be. A hermit in a cave is surrounded by the spirits he communes with. My living alone, my apartment inaccessible by distance from the students, the Chinese indifference to just another foreigner, no ex pat females on the staff or nearby, all this conspires to an unnatural situation. Add to that the work load put on me by my school contract, there is precious little time to search for companionship, to go out into the city to find an existing community.

I joined the gym. Usually I swim when the pool is fairly empty. But the pool was closed for weeks during the holiday, so once it opened I went for a swim regardless of the crowds. The pool was so crowded that there were two or three people in the same lane, trying to swim laps without bumping into anyone coming or going. I found that I did not watch the clock. I continued swimming longer than usual, simply because having other people there gave me energy. And that is my reality. Am I alone in this? It is not a defect, it is the way I was made. I was made to serve; to be part of a community. My positive energy flows out and into others, and this recharges me. My purpose cannot be fulfilled when I live in isolation. The only contact I have is with the students in front of the classroom. I serve them the best that I can, but I could do so much more. This looks, feels and tastes like frustration. May the grace of God keep it from slipping into despair.