Circling the drain

 

Fifty years ago, I was lost.  I had been led into life choices that were against my best interests, but at age 17 I had no self-empowerment.  I did as I was told, or as I imagined was expected of me. 

I broke free, and then stumbled around for a couple of years..now what?  As it so happens, the crowd I fell into vibrated with one answer.  Go to India, if you want your life to change.  You will never be the same.

Each of us is led by our circumstances.  Occasionally, we suss that things are awry and muster up courage to take a radical step, to make a radical change.

My job paid me once a month.  I gave notice, and with that one month’s paycheck in hand, I bought a cheap plane ticket to Amsterdam and began my journey.  There was little change left in my pocket.  That first night, I found a place to crash among shrubs.  The next day I wandered a bit around Amsterdam before hopping a train to Germany.  And so my odyssey began. 

I had prepared myself to see the Holyland, by converting to Judaism before leaving California.  This gave me an avenue to settle in Israel, a heart’s desire.  I was torn, between moving on to India where my life would supposedly change radically, and staying in the Holyland where I felt Christ’s presence, and where I discovered communal living in the form of Kibbutz.  While at my last job, at a University, I had kept an eye on publications that reported on the communal strain of lifestyle so popular at the time.  Here in Israel, I wanted to know what this ancient culture had to say about that lifestyle.  And so I took the necessary steps to become a kibbutz member, and experience it from the inside.  I liked it.  I liked it a lot.  It seemed to offer a safe harbor for my insecurities, my unresolved inner wounds.  I could daily sit in the communal dining hall, and in the crowd my loneliness and unworthiness were somehow soothed.

But eventually, after a couple of years of belonging to and in a kibbutz, I knew that I had not yet earned the freedom to settle.  There was that restlessness within.  While journeying across the Mediterranean and in the early months of kibbutz life, a random acquaintance with a woman, appearing as an other-worldly being, initiated me into meditation.  I had sat at an LA Zendo before, but through her spiritual energy and transmission, this time something profound began to happen.  Years later, in Kathmandu, I would run into her again and see she was very much not an apparition, but a flesh and blood person running a chai shop and being an anchor for the ex pat community in that city.

When I finally did arrive in India, to begin my search for that promised transformation, I had heard that the Dalai Lama was settled in the north Himalayan Mountains.  I was curious, and so upon my arrival in India I took what was meant to be a brief stop before exploring the Ashrams in the low lands.  I would not move on for another three years to come. 

Those years were spent in deep spiritual journeying, led by highly accomplished and authentic Tibetan high lamas.  The years passed, variously sitting in class listening to the ancient texts explained, and going into isolated retreats.  In truth, I would never be the same.  Here I seemed to come into my own.  All the years previously, I had been delving deeply into Christianity.  Not only the New Testament, but also studying the Old Testament, plumbing their depths.  This continued when I returned to the west, with my new mind, a new concept of reality and my place in it.

With mantra firmly in place, Om Mani Padme Hum, I stayed above the swampland of most emotions, harboring only the not-yet dislodged deepest rooted ego-centricity.

I went back for a refresher, in 2008.  I sat at the feet of an old friend, a lama, and, with his guidance, did ever-expanding meditations into the infinite fields of the inner and outer worlds.  I heard the tradition (from the Jataka Tales)  that, when Buddha Gautama was alive, a Being from a distant galaxy came on a beam of light and sat in his presence during his teachings.  That Being of light, purportedly, marveled at the teachings and wisdom of this Holy One.  This little anecdote taught me so much about reality beyond our tiny planet.  I grew to know deep things.  I absorbed them, and held them close throughout the following years.

And now, though in different garb, these teachings are becoming widespread.  There are so many people, many podcasting on YouTube, who are in communication with extra-terrestrial beings.  Their teachings are collectively reaching thousands and thousands of souls around the globe.

There seems to be no need to take baby steps.  The ancient and elemental teachings of the Four Noble Truths [Suffering, The Cause of Suffering, The Cessation of Suffering, the Path to the Cessation of Suffering] upon which we meditated, sitting at the feet of these high Lamas, the Geshes, seem archaic, outdated, superfluous.  For me, it was learning to crawl before I could walk.  These awakened me to the very essence of reality.  Now, I presume, those who are awakening have awareness of these elementals from previous lives.  They jump into the Ocean of Samsara and fly (pardon the mixed metaphor), soar, to find release at dizzying heights.

My solitary inner-monk’s life has brought me to a place where I seem to be living in isolation, among a population of people unaware and unprepared for the place my inner self inhabits.

Through the internet, I hear extraordinary messages and lessons coming from galactic beings.  These seem to be messages that I have been waiting to hear.  And yet, though other hearers seem to be riding the swelling waves of intergalactic societies and the wisdom beyond ours that they bring us, I seem to be circling the drain.  I hear, I understand, I have heard so much of it before, and yet as others harness these extraordinary spiritual tools meant to purify and elevate us, I seem to remain numb.  I cannot participate.  I hear, I know, but my consciousness can only dwell in an ocean of love, without activating these higher energies that are being transmitted, transferred, and which seem to transport the cohort, listening the same as I do.

What is wrong with me?  As I accept these energies graciously extended to us by Arcturians, Paladians, Sirians and such. my stubborn weaknesses become distilled, so clear in my mind’s eye, yet unmoving.  I see the generational karmic imprints.  I can isolate the times I felt rejected, uncared for, from age three all the way to just a few years ago by an ex lover.  I see, in the history of my recent progenitors, that same rejection being played out.  It is my ancestral inheritance, and that of my daughter.  I want to isolate it and surrender it up, as our teachers tell us we can and should do, if we so choose.  I choose!!!  It does not leave me.  Those same painful memories keep circling and circling, yet they will not be flushed.  What is wrong with me?

 Samantha

Kittens

 

He was going about his normal day in retirement.  The circle of life was not particularly on his mind.  Tracking down missing documents, exploring options for digitalizing boxes of old photos, when he noticed that his pet dog, Junior, was focused on the chest of drawers in the bedroom.

You know how birddogs do when they locate a bird…that attentive stillness.  That is what Junior was doing, sitting beside the chest of drawers.  It was clear, Junior had located the source of those tiny chirps we had been hearing all day.  The newborn swallows in the garage had begun flying lessons; perhaps one of them had stumbled into the house.

He picked up a corner of the chest of drawers so they could both look underneath.  Nothing.  He opened each drawer; a cursory check brought nothing. These things had a way of working themselves out, he thought, so he turned back to the business at hand and thought nothing more about it.

The next day, Junior was at it again.  This time he was pawing a particular drawer.  The boss pulled out the bottom two drawers, for inspection.  Sure enough, there was a tiny gray newborn kitten, barely noticeable next to a gray sweatshirt.  To his great surprise, because he thought that any newborn left without the warmth of his mother for 24 hours, would surely die, this little guy was moving his limbs.

Since there was only an hour until the weekly garbage pickup, the Boss tucked the cold kitten inside his shirt, close to his heart, and continued gathering up the garbage.  He was a little slow, limited to the left hand, the right hand clutching his cane.

Garbage finally corralled to a tidy heap on the street curb, he turned his attention back to finding where the kitten had come from.  By now the tiny form within his shirt was wiggling. He knew his outdoor cat, Sammy, was due towards the end of July.  The July 4^th celebrations had just passed, last weekend, so he expected there was still time.  The neighbor’s cat, however, was a couple weeks ahead of Sammy in her pregnancy.  He thought to check with the neighbor to see how that was going.  This kitten was tiger striped, like that pregnant one.  Sammy is black Calico.  The neighbor wasn’t home. 

His cleaning duties were interrupted by commotion on the colonnade.  All three dogs were barking at the clay pots, on stands.  He limped along to see what was going on.  There, inside the small mouthed planter, was dark Sammy, the lighter calico patches obscured in her tightly curled body.  Inside the curve were a small mass of squiggling things.  Four kittens, in all.  The fifth was grabbing warmth under his shirt.

All other plans for the day were quickly put aside.  First order of the day was to prepare a safe home for her, within his home.  With all the dogs and other cats in the neighborhood, she could not feel safe caring for her litter living out of doors.

First order of things, clear all the junk off the dresser top.

Second, bring the pet cage in from the garage.  Line it with a clean adult diaper laid flat.

Next, gather up the handful of kittens and carry them to the cage.  The Cat would surely follow behind her kittens.

Now the cat was ready to be introduced to her home for the next few weeks. 

While she was getting acquainted with it, the Boss took a blanket from Junior’s bed and laid it atop the cage, giving her the privacy of a cave-like environment. 

Next comes the water dispenser, and a bowl of food.  Kitten kibble is now on the shopping list, but until he could get into town, a scrambled egg would have to do to supplement the basic adult kibble.  She will need lots of additional protein over the next weeks.

He finally took a break from this hectic morning to make himself a little breakfast.  Whoops, that scrambled egg in Sammy’s dish was the last egg.  No eggs and bacon on a roll for this guy’s breakfast.  Bacon and peanut butter would have to do for this vegetarian’s breakfast.  Vege what?  Well, take a vote.  Bacon is the most popular adopted pseudo vegetable among his crowd.

Now Junior is walking back and forth, licking his lips, trying to tell him something. 

“Let me guess.  It is twelve o’clock and you think I have forgotten something.”

Putting his toasted roll to one side, he pulls out a packet of moist dog food and fills Junior’s dish. Fortunately, “By the grace of God,” he thinks, the other two dogs are still distracted with the garbage truck and other cul-de-sac goings on, to notice his juicy meal. 

Loki, the toy apricot poodle mix, gets his meals at night, at the home he grew up in nine years ago.  That home still thinks of him as a guard dog; he thinks of himself as an adorable cuddly pampered poodle.  He needed some time on the couch before he could reconcile this dissonance.  The lady who wielded the broom every time he tried to sneak into the house he thought was his place, passed away this year.  He went to church for her funeral, and was greeted warmly by all the relatives and friends he knew from the years of his struggles at that farm home.  In the midst of celebrating her departure, there was happiness in reuniting with old friends.  One by one, he would go up to an old friend and, tail wagging, jump up to say hello.  He was always warmly received.  The next day he returned to that original home, and was welcomed by the widowed husband.  Still, he was relegated to sleep outside, alongside the puppy retriever mix that maybe could fulfill that guard-dog role better than Loki.  That sweet poodle stayed sweet, getting along with everybody, but missing the guy who truly understood him.  Each night around 6, after a fun day with Junior and whatever foster dog was currently in residence, Boss would remind him that it was time to go home.  His ears would droop, the eyes grow sad, but he would turn tail and slowly walk out the gate.

Coquetta is a recent addition.  She is mostly Jack Russell.  Her longish coat, of a Champaigne color and Jack-Russell coarseness, is a ball of energy.  When the Boss, Junior and Loki would go for a walk at dawn, he would always stop at the closed-up gate behind which Coquetta lived.  She always looked forward to the treats he usually carried, and was still happy when all she got were scratches behind the ear. 

Then, just a couple of weeks ago, her master died.  He was an impoverished native Mexican of the Tepehuans tribe, whose adoptive brother settled him in this abandoned tiny triangular space of someone’s backyard.  He was of few—next to none—words, and remained a cipher to Boss.  His death, then, came as a surprise, though perhaps only so to Boss.  It is likely that he suffered with an ulcer that finally burst.  There was a flurry of activity, in that day or two, it all happened so quickly.  As soon as discretion allowed, Boss made inquiries about the disposition of Coquetta and the two puppies.  For a few days there was just not enough space to worry about the dog.  The Boss asked for permission to temporarily take care of her, until it could be decided.

What he found was a dog living in squalor, with two remaining puppies two months old and ready to be weaned.  The other two had already died.  She was infested, like the puppies.  The two who didn’t make it were, no doubt, victims of the infesting vermin.  After repeated baths, to kill off the vermin, the puppies found homes.  Everyone loves puppies; less popular are adults.

At least Coquetta was very much alive, and playful.  For the moment, she was vermin free and safe.  In a week or two, she would recover from the traumas, and bounce back to her playful self.  The fifth kitten was still not sure he wanted to stay.

Boss, in the spirit of last-ditch effort, tried to place the fifth kitten at Sammy’s breast.  Before long it was clear that this kitten would not make it. 

Next morning, Boss looked in the cage and saw the inevitable.  He picked up the limp, cold body and removed it from the litter.

And so we are reminded of the fragility of life, the inevitability of the Circle of Life.  Two puppies, one kitten, and one lonely bachelor gone, versus four wiggling lively kittens clinging to life.  And the Dance continues.

 1.  Loki     2.Samantha and her litter     3. Junior    4. Coquette   

Christ, Revelations and Fifth Density

 Light and Dark

Light can’t co-exist with darkness.  Flick the switch!  Walk into the light.

This is what I have been highlighting with my friends/acquaintances in the past few weeks/months.  But wait.  What is this?  Turns out, there are degrees of light!  It isn’t all or nothing, black or white. 

Ever since Atlas (3/I) entered our air space, I have been awakening my spiritual path.  Or should I say it more passively…my spiritual path has been awakening.  [And that is the crux of the premise of this essay]  Not that I ever left it, but seems like there it was at the center of things, until it disappeared.  Until now; something has jump-started this new age for me. 

I had followed a private, little-known channeler, Samual.  My oldest and dearest friend in the world introduced me to him, in the past decade, as I readjusted to ‘western society’.  Acknowledgement that we live in an era that quantifies invisible air waves.  I was able to follow Samual through the internet.  Specifically, Zoom meetings.  This one was a very well-guarded entity, permitting his followers--what I interpret to be--very little access.  I am comparing this scene to years of my training with the Tibetans in their home-in-exile, Dharmsala, India.  Their way of teaching feels much more interactive and personal.

Apparently, roughly 30 yeas ago the earth was swept through a particular wave field, that created an opening opening for spirit and galactic individuals to synthesize with humans.  More and more I am getting the picture that they are living amongst us in remarkable numbers, leading small groups having their private followers, very low key.  Only a few have reached the level of notoriety.  A few I have come across on YouTube are: Bashan, Lee Harris, Kelly Kolodney, and David Clemens.  There are many more having podcasts, too many for me to know about.  In fact, I do believe it is possible to take a course in becoming a channeler.  Would love to take it, I am curious, but too lazy. :-{

Samual’s teachings tend to be intellectual and at a semi-deep level.  More like a college course into dark secrets.  I was needing fuel to wake up my soul.  I need food.  These insights were nourishing guava; unripened sour guavas, but would have to do until the ripe sweet ones come along.

Samual alerted his group about the Atlas coming into our airspace.  Once, though I cannot place it as to time, he taught an exercise that he said was to prepare our bodies for the new energies coming, giving us an eighth strand to our DNA, or capacity for 8th density, or I don’t remember more than that he was trying to prepare us for what was to come.

Then, of course, I started doing more reading about this Atlas.  Step by step I was led to David Clemens.  And so my spirit led me back home, aligning the old path to this updated one, and I was flying.

I had crossed the veil, seen the light, could knowingly Let Go.  Suddenly, I was Holier than Thou!  I made it to the promised land.  I was floating on air. It was so easy!  Just let go; say yes to the warm ocean of light that flows in and unites you in an ocean of love, pure love and light.  One with the Source.  Know God.  Reunite to the Flame

Truth remains, as I discovered decades ago, once off the meditation cushion it can all disappear mighty quickly.

I thought, this time I had past the sputtering stage, and reached the Free Flowing stage, even if it were only my toes tickling the ocean.  My optimism was drowning out the Truth, again.    On the plus side, it is as if while I was dormant, I was still slowly cleaning out the muck that fought with the Light.  My impurities, egoism, judgmentalism, as well as the crippled but not dead:  self-deception, no longer relevant contracts and promises, desires; the dross that grows on us like barnacles, from birth.  Some even come along with us in birth.   It seems that they continued to grow weaker, their hold on me.  In the Tibetan years I had done many, many practices and rituals with the purpose of cleansing these more banal and negative impulses and habits.  I was glad that I got to do that during a focused period of my life.  Millions are now dealing with that, each to varying degrees, while living a householders life.  Work, family relationship, financial demands.  What a nightmare.  And now, on top of that, having to face and deal with our hidden self, the muck from deep within our souls. The cleansing work must be done, however, one way or another.  This work is done on the ‘energy ‘ level.  Our body vibrates at an energy level.  (Since the discover of the atom, which happened in my lifetime, we have known that our bodies are not as solid as we thought.  They are made up of atoms, a constant spinning around the nucleus; invisible to our naked eye, but now that we know, we cannot look away.)  The dross holds our body back from being able to vibrate at a higher, more refined energy level; a level that receives more Light, that Light of God, or Source.   I happen to prefer David Clemens path, because it gets to the core.  Not all the theorizing and philosophizing and schmoozing that others offer.  Other healers have to feed the ego while teaching their followers how to break it down; the young’ns are still fragile.

In the last few days, I could feel myself filling up again with the dross.  Why?  What’s going on?  But no, these are the wrong questions.  This is the old energy approach.  Let me introduce here, for ease of reference, 3D energy and 5D energy.  Some soothsayers, in efforts to wrap their heads around this new consciousness, say that the energetic earth is splitting into two time lines.  Those still functioning in third density (3D) vibration are living their lives as they always have, for millennium.  That is not too dramatic a time span, to give an idea of how drastic a change is coming upon us now.  That level of density is incompatible with the change in vibrational density that is now revolutionizing life on Earth, called fifth density (5D).  And so, being incompatible, our channelers are telling us that the 3D world  cannot and will not survive.  They and their societies will fade out and disappear.  They will not thrive.  When I toy with this concept in my mind, I see two highways.  One is rising, while the other is sinking into collisions and splits; the one is rising, dripping with those holding on by their fingertips, the slow pokes, the late bloomers, the procrastinators.  I am assured this is too literal.

But who decides? Millions of good Christians are trying their best to live out the life of our Christ figure, our Holy Brother, our God the Father.  They have no idea about a “New Earth”.  Of course, for those who study the New Testament they see a description that talks about a New Earth, but it is difficult to clearly see any connection between that description and what we see around us.  The traditional churches may not be doing anything to illuminate the connection, either.

Throughout the New Testament, especially in the Book of John, but in Acts as well and elsewhere, the teachings of Christ as captured by his followers seem to point at it; we see hints, if only we can  interpret them.

We are told not to let our hearts grow weary by working too hard, and worrying—being concerned.  After all, the beautiful wild flowers put on a show for us every year, but they require no fuss from us.  The birds, of which each and every feather is seen by the Eye of God, don’t worry unduly about building a nest and feeding their young.  You don’t see them organizing into unions to protect their rights.  What?  How is that instructional?  These bills don’t get paid by themselves.

The New Earth, the fifth dimension, works on different principles entirely.  There is a flowing, an alertness to this new awareness.  Usually I bring a list when I go food shopping.  I go into town for specific things.  Now I find that the list is almost not useful.  As I flow through the market, the things I need present themselves to my hand, the feet find the right aisles.  The car finds the right doorways, to pick up the little things, to pay the bills, to remember to say hi to a friend who is thinking of me.  I find the right amount of change in my purse, even if it was empty when I left the house.  The right person crosses my path, to address something I was thinking about.  To my old way of thinking, I would call these coincidences.  Accompanied by a smooth, calm and joyful mind space, I know it is me yielding to the higher intelligences, the spirits and galactic beings, that walk alongside me and flow within me.  We move in an ocean of Love, which connects us all at all times.  That being the case, I have to ask myself why in the world I would allow old memories, old habits, low-density energies to distract me from that bliss, to pull me down.

It is free will all the way.  My struggle is to maintain conscious awareness at all times, to not let these old bugaboos drag me down.  On days like this, I cannot see what muck is being stirred up.  I only know “I don’t feel like it.”  I don’t feel like meditating, I don’t feel like denying the negativity.  The chores that I ‘should’ do like cleaning house and washing dishes, are virtues totally not appealing to me today.  The concept of ‘tough love’ seems called for here.  The deeper-knowing parts of me (Me being not necessarily just my brain, but my spiritual awareness available to work together).  If I let these negativities rule the day, the stain of their dross carries over to the next day, and so and so it builds.  Then the ‘Holier than Thou’ energy rings hollow.  It doesn’t work.  It is up to me to change the dynamic. 

And so it is, the interplay of the assertive and passive, working together.  There is a momentum required when actualizing change.  How is it for you?  Can the momentum build through doing the ‘right thing’, the spiritual practices building that muscle until one day the switch is flicked and I am walking in the bountiful Light, buoyed in the Ocean of Love?   Or am I required to produce more of that forward momentum by focusing all day every day on maintaining that quiet mind, fighting off that ‘monkey’ mind? 

I know that the chaos and catastrophes that a man called Trump is subjecting the world to is tremendously destructive, and needs to end.  I would like someone to take a rifle to him and blow his brains out, with the goal to ending it all and beginning the healing.  But in fact I know that that one man is only a cog; just one particle of a greater dynamic , through whose godless machinations the old world will be destroyed, or certain essential parts of it, in order to make room for the New Earth.  This I know because of a deep awareness that there is a whole universe out there that I have been cut off from at my birth, and that I am now in the throes of being reunited with.  That is the foundation of my faith.  What is the foundation of yours?

 

A Durango Village

 At New Year I moved to a new home, down the street from a cramped and crumbling home from where I wrote my most recent blog posts. 

That was across the street from "Sparky" which I later changed to the more noble and nuanced "Spartacus". He was a noble beast locked in an ugly battle he could not win. Two days ago his owner poisoned him to death and unhooked the chain to let him run, so he would die down the road. It was dark. Perhaps he thought whoever found him in the morning would assume he had been struck by a car. I found him. I examined his body, which was unbroken. Only his jaw was clenched, and his last breaths blew bloody bubbles.

I suggest to the town's elected judge that a bully who would kill his 11 Year old daughter's beloved pet had it in him to murder a human. Does she feel safe with him as a neighbor?  Unlike all other residents of this tiny village {except me}, he is unrelated to anyone in the village; he rents his house.  He is a musician, in bars a lot, often drunk whether working or not. But it was she who made me turn over the Labrador to him after I had given the dog a couple night's respite in our home. I had warned her that this man was abusing the dog, but she has not yet elevated herself from this patriarchal society, where the man is always right.  This was a few weeks ago, where I promised her I would not make any more trouble. I would not 'interfere' between this man and his "beloved', supposedly, dog.

At 5 pm Tuesday, hours before he would die, we were standing in the road near the chained dog, the judge and I, talking about our Senior's club meeting that had just ended. Spartacus was barking furiously, eyes fixed on me, begging that I free him. I could not. Did he have a premonition?

[< I am typing on my phone. I cannot find a way to insert photos here. I will have to save the rest of this until I am on my computer, because it is meant to be a photo report of the cul de sac where we now live.   oops. I am at the internet cafe in town, where the computers dont have Windows 10.  The owner has lent me his laptop, with a Spanish keyboard that is a mystery to me>)

Here is our new neighborhood.  It is very old, and referred to as la plazuela. Any native Spanish speakers out there, if you can, please explain the nuances.  Here, la plaza is what in S Mexico we call the zocolo. La Placita is the Canatlan park where locals buy and sale their stuff on Mondays and Fridays.  

...Please overlook the technical glitches.  At internet cafe, strange computer keyboard, could not find cut and paste, hence the following is out of sequence...

Here is Spartacus as our house guest.  He dwarfs this  3 foot bed.

And this is how he spent his days and nights, 24  7.  This view is from the owners house looking to the street.  He is chained to that tree.  Ah, but not anymore.  

And here is the plazuela.  This tree must have been here first, and the adobe homes built around it.

To the left is one more adobe attached home, then the half circle comes back to the road there on that side.  Leaving the semi circle on that side, the next property is fenced with cyclone fencing, it houses a large apple orchard and sports about 16 free range beautiful panoply of chickens and roosters, none of which lay eggs.  Thats not the point..they are just beautiful.  That is the end of the road that dumps you into the plazuela...or  the road makes a sharp right and bypasses us to get to the river and the two lane highway.  We are at the other end of the semi-circle, a corner home aside the narrow road that leads out.

This is Manuels house.  He is the youngest brother of a large family of bullies and abusers.  His sensitive soul has never recovered.  He can be seen weaviing out of his door at 8 am, to join the other one or two alkies warming in the sun.

 

I have not yet been inside.  apparently the front room has no roof.  The adobe is very old, I am thinking 300 years, based on my acquaintance with the history of this county.  Hopefully his inner room with roof is large enough to turn around.  Zoom in and enjoy.  I am fascinated by the construction.  Why has adobe fallen out of favor --see question mark cause I cant find it on this keyboard.  The key thus marked yields other things, like - and _

The Tepehuanes had settled this region very nicely.  Lots of little settlements.  In the 17th century the King decided he wanted this region as his own, and sent a couple of Franciscan friars and their followers to claim it in his name.  A vicious battle ensued, the natives were driven out, and these European-looking people .. the 30 families.. established their large farms on land gifted by the King.  I have seen no modern records nor heard no stories beyond that snippet more remote than the 20th century, from the seniors still living.  Families had 17 and 18 children, routinely.  One of the matriarchies, Elena, passed at age 94.  Her middlish daughter who took care of her after retirement was murdered, run down by the pickup of a jealous brother.  I found that body, too, one Sunday morning on my way to town.   Sheesh.

My dear friend, Simona, was born about where Manuels house is, 96 years ago.  We share birthdays, a day and twelve years apart.  She is amazingly clear, no Alzheimers, although her short term memory is not great.  Her story deserves a post of its own.  Her husband, much older than she, belonged to Pancho Villas band.  These revolutionaries hid out here in this tiny village for a number of years.  Francisco Villa, born an hours drive down the road here in Durango State, is recorded in history as one of the main revolutionaries to bring independence to Mexico.  He was assassinated--I think in the 1930s--to give you some historical perspective.

And here is our front gate.  The red guy is Junior, the poodle mix is Loki.  In spite of being born in my home 5 years ago, Junior was not named by me.  I gifted him to a neighbor, who is very good to animals.  But this friends boss took possession of the dog.  There were also about 3 other huge dogs living in that large farm, making sport of Junior judging by the scars on his body.  At last he said ENOUGH and asked me to take him home.

Loki belonged to one of Elenas sons..  The wife died this past weekend.  Loki accompanied me to the funeral Mass at our little church.  They were a prominent family--they had a small herd of cows, and she made cheeses and sold milk.  She had had a stroke some ten years before I made her acquaintance.  In spite of half her body being useless, she still heated a huge tub of gallons of milk every day.  I give her credit for being a very strong, determined woman.  But something happened to her heart.  When I pick up a broom or mop today, Loki cringes and tries to slink away, eyes fearful, ears down.  What he must have endured at her hands to want so desparately to escape.  Today, nine years old, he is one fearful, timid, neurotic dog.  This family also had a mechanics shop in their small garage.  Now their youngest son has graduated with an engineering degree, and runs the shop.  So here we are at this church crowded to overflowing.  Loki is bouncing with joy, weaving through the crowd jumping and greeting, and being greeted, by more people than I even know.  The next day, after our breakfast, he disappeared for a few hours.  It is my belief that he returned to his childhood home to enjoy what visitors were still around.  But he returned at the end of the day.  I had hopes that he would feel welcomed and not want to return to me.  He is, after all, a neurotic handful.  Maybe some day, as the family recovers from their loss.

Enter by this front gate.  There is the driveway.  To the left, a rose garden, old and poorly maintained.  I amatuerishly pruned the six or eight rose bushes, we will see down the road how I did. Straight ahead, leaving the car, is the front door.  The house is very old.  It is retrofitting with a bathroom.  This en suite is up a steep ramp.  It had stairs, but the previous tenant, the mother of the woman who loves all those pretty chickens and who is renting me this house, could no longer maneuver them.

Everything leaks.  If I want a warm face wash at the bathroom sink, I need an electric kettle and a bowl.  I keep a pitcher under the dripping pipe in the shower.  It fills a couple of times a day, and that is the flush for my toilet.  If I keep the water on for the toilet tank to fill, the tile underfoot fills with water too.  I am too old to do the simple repair, and so I live with it.  With patience, I can get a hot shower once I have run the tiny electric portable heater in the bathroom about an hour, and passed my arm through a frigid stream to open the faucet and wait for the hot water to reach me from the rooftop solar boiler.  I am delighted with this new development.  I did not have even this option in the other house where I lived for the past six months.

The house is large, it meanders.  There are no more than 2 bedrooms, but across an enclosed patio there is a large storage room for all my remaining junk, which means I live with minimum clutter.  I have my own stove installed now, which means it is fully functioning.  One day I will get someone to install a marvelous faucet I bought for a previous ephemeral house.  That will signal the end of a semi-functioning kitchen sink, with a sodden base below the constantly dripping pipes.

I hope you enjoyed my meandering tales of my present homeplace.  Come visit whenever youre in the neighborhood.  I have an extra bedroom!

Morning walks with our pack

 

Nov 29  2025

Morning Walks

I call him Sparky, because Rocky has been taken, in our pack.  Hi lives across the street, in this tiny hamlet of 10 houses.

I cannot label his breed, but I describe it like this.  He is large, white, with floppy ears.  He loves bouncing in the river.  Judging by his affectionate and playful manner, I think he is still a puppy, under a year old.  I still don’t know the motives of his owner that has led to this travesty.  This is an unrolling story; one day I will know.  Meanwhile, cautiously working with the permission of the owner, we go for walks at dawn with our pack.

Sparky lives at the end of a rope about six feet long, tied to a tree with an enormous trunk.  He has neither water nor food in his small space.  It is in the front of the house, so he gets to see the activities and daily routines of the neighborhood.  There he sits, lonely, wanting to be a part of it all.  The rope is tied to his neck, tightly.  No collar.

Junior wakes me up every morning, with enthusiasm for a long walk.  Junior is a gift to me, to be my companion at this phase of a long and lonely path.  He was born six years ago in my living room.  He is about ten kilos, a long body on small legs, the color of almonds. My knees bother me, and sometimes my hip, so I used to ignore him and walk from my bed to the kitchen in my bathrobe to make coffee.  But no more.  Perhaps I am finally growing in my spirituality.  I listen to his tender spirit, and am doing better in living in harmony with it.  He is an old soul.

There is another dog living with us.  His owners gave him the name ‘Loki’.  I gauge him to be about nine years old.  He is small boned, curly haired.  Breeders of poodles would call him ‘apricot’ in color.  He is a damaged tender soul; perhaps he finds us soothing company.  Junior, so possessive of me, has grown to accept him, and has been known to intervene for him with me.

These three are our pack, plus Rocky.  Rocky also lives across the street from us.  The lady there has never found a way to say ‘no’ to any dog that chooses her company.  Most are small things, but Rocky is large.  He is black, fine boned like a doberman and as tall as Sparky.  I guess he must act out occasionally, because sometimes I see him tied up in her yard. 

Sylvia’s adult daughter, Perla, lives next door to Sparky, with Sylvia. She tells me of hearing him cry in the night, alone at the end of a rope.

I appreciate the fact that dogs, like horses and yaks, need a daily dose of exuberant running.  The little ones can tear up and down our dirt road to fill that need, and no one will mind.  But the big dogs terrify some people just by their size, and so live under restraint.  Rocky gets to walk often with his household pack and humans, but it is not the same.  These chihuahuas and other small blended breeds move at a much slower pace.

One day, while Junior, Loki and I were walking at early morning, I saw Sparky, legs planted wide, tongue hanging out as he grinned, rope still secure on his neck but loose trailing behind him, looking at me.  He stood on the grass verge of the dirt road, two doors down from his enclosure.  He wanted to join us, his intention was clear.  I unhooked his choking rope and let it fall; we three moved on.  And then suddenly, the black Rocky was bouncing alongside us.  His pack had once again worked a hole into Sylvia’s fence, and so he was free.  From then on, we were a pack of four.

Junior always tried to lead us along the two kilometer road to our former home, where he was born.  Two miles round trip might be doable on a smooth trail, but this was a rocky, rutted. dusty course putting extra stress on my knees.  Not to mention, during my eight years here the community has let grow wild the stream that crosses that road.  Weeds started growing up along its path.  What happened could have been prevented by a couple of men in rubber boots and hoes working for less than an hour.  Instead, the weeds grew across the path of the stream, so the stream meandered wide as it worked its way around the choking weeds.  Now that strip of road is always flooded, no longer the easy pass for motorcycles and low city cars.  In my walks I used to be able to hop the rocks where the water fell after crossing the street.  There is no longer such an easy crossing for pedestrians.  Junior didn’t mind the change. He has an intrepid love of water.

For these reasons, we could not follow Junior’s preferred walk.  We still, however, have many options.  Running parallel to our double row of houses on our dusty street, a river flows; the continuation of that same stream.  It is wild and untamed in terms of growth on the banks, but not of its force;  it flows gently.  There used to be walking paths along its banks, in the old days when people walked long distances.  But now the banks are overgrown, and in spots unpassable. 

Down a ways on our dusty street, between adobe walls, there is a path that leads to the river.  It rambles past abandoned shacks, houses and abandoned orchards.  In this town we are known for our apples, but there are also many pear orchards.  I have tried the pears, and find them unpalatable unless peeled and cooked for a long time in sugar water.  However, the other morning on our way to the river I dared to trespass into such an orchard.  It is autumn, and the trees are mostly bare.  But on closer inspection, I found an occasional hanging pear not rotted yet; I picked one and ate it on our walk.  It was crisp, juicy and sweet.  Again I was reminded of what we have lost in our modern era of transporting to the masses a large variety of foods not indigenous to the distant markets.  They are harvested before they are ripe, to endure the rigors of transportation.  Only farmers know the true mature flavor of many otherwise now popular produce.

The dogs are romping through the brush, noses to the earth.  They occasionally gather around a rock wall, snuffling and whining.  As I approach I hear the squeak of a small critter.  A squirrel, perhaps, a chipmunk, a rabbit.  I cannot tell. I shoo the dogs along.  We reach the river bank; we can go left, or right.  To the right, beyond a few paces, the bank becomes wild and unpassable.  We always go left, towards the flat bridge that spans the river and leads to the main street of our little hamlet, and to the farms beyond.

 We pass an old dug out pit, filled with leaves and debris.  I imagine filling it with firewood upon which we have lain well prepared lamb, gleaned from the local flock, and left to cook overnight. 

As a vegetarian, even I see that as plausible.  We would ask the permission of our animal to give us his life.  We would slaughter him as quickly and painlessly  as possible.  His hide would be cured, and used in service to the community.  As I savor the remembered taste in my mouth, delicious and nourishing, time melts away and I am in a different space entirely.

At last we reach our homes.  Sparky finds the bucket of water that Sylvia leaves in front of her gate, and drinks deeply.  He then heads for his yard, and allows me to hook him once again to his restraint.  I finally have bought him a halter, since the owner ignored my suggestion that he do that.  It pains me an inch less to hook him up, but it doesn’t lessen the pangs I feel for the rest of the day.  I go about my day listening to his high pitched whines, pleads that go ignored.  If he barks continuously, I check; he is thirsty, and sends me back home to carry a pitcher of water to him.

The other day I happened to be outside when this neighbor arrived.  We leaned against his car and talked.  Why must he always be tied up?  Why have you not finished the enclosure in your backyard? 

Apparently, this dog bit a man.  [this information starts an unraveling string of questions, unspoken.  What did the man do to aggravate the dog?  Who was this man?  Was it our ‘village idiot’—he is not an idiot, just rotted his brain on glue at an unfortunate age, and now as he wanders homeless he struggles with the local dogs-?  How is keeping him tied up going to change this behavior?].  Every inch of the conversation gets derailed with this theme.  But he bit a man!  I don’t want to be responsible for that happening again.  Such is the logic of this man, who owns an unwanted and abandoned dog.  As for the backyard, he insists that ‘people’ go back there and let the dog out.  This, too, triggers an inner dialogue that remains unspoken.  The man is clearly not operating on logic.  He has his mind set. 

If I can manage to have another opportunity with this man, I must ask:  why not give the dog away to a family that could love him and care for him?  Or perhaps bring about a change of heart; invite him to come with us at 7 a.m. and get to know a different side of this magnificent animal.

Meanwhile, I do what I can to alleviate the pain of another sensient being.  I have consulted with the videos of Cesar Millan on how to change his behavior of jumping on me.  I am small, and he bowls me over with his affection.  So we start there. 

Each day presents another opportunity to share the joy and exuberance of four delightful creatures.  Sparky is young.  His story is still developing.  We bring each other hope for a brighter tomorrow..

Christ, Catholics and Christians

 

Christ and Catholics

 

I was raised by good Catholic Italian parents.  I had a good, proper education through the tenth grade in Catholic schools.  Well, good if you don’t count the absence of science classes, art classes, and a proper athletics program.  Where might I be today had I been introduced to those subjects during my formative years.

Therefore I hold dear my memories of the rites and traditions of the Church.

It is not popular for Catholics to learn the history of the Church. My dear, devout sister is one who would vigorously defend the church against any of the facts I lay out here.

Simply put, formal religion was created, by Man not God, to form a scaffolding upon which amnesiac souls might find their way back Home.  Man put together selected writings, historical documents, best recollections of divinely channeled stories to create a handbook, or text book, to guide us through that process.  I refer, of course, to the Bible.  We are living in times of such spiritual darkness as has not been seen on earth for millions of years.  Simple methods used of old to awaken us and guide us Home are just not strong enough to help us to keep it together through this dark period.

My assertion that God did not create a church is true up to a point.  I trust that the initial impulses to organize the transference of Christ’s teachers and to establish guides or teachers, who probably chose incarnation at critical times with the express intention of furthering that process, were Divinely inspired.

Through the centuries the churches have brought amnesiac souls to realize their basic awakening, and to meet Christ.  The problem, as I see it, is that they enslaved those souls for their own purposes, and never handed them off to Christ’s direct hands to let them explore their awakened relationship with Christ.  Souls remain wrapped in a fog of forgetting, nurtured by their priests and ministers who themselves are entrapped in forgetting.

I decided to look up the root definition of the word arien.  This sent me down a rabbit hole of early Church history.  For the three hundred years after Christ’s death and resurrection, the church grew and expanded mostly by word of mouth as of old, according to ancient traditions. There were many, many people who received teachings directly from Christ and the descendents of his apostolates.

The culture of that age, very Jewish, were horrified by those family members who chose to break tradition.  If a son or daughter refused to marry in the Jewish or pagan faith of the time, they were denounced by the families, many banished, and had their lives turned upside down. Those who felt strong spiritual awakenings fled to the deserts and mountains.  Some gathered in small communities.  Many chose to live in isolated caves or huts.  Younger refugees sought the company and teachings of older hermits, who had been crossing the veil themselves in their isolation, and hearing directly from their own saints. 

An example of the truths held strongly in those days of organized catholicism. was that Christ was God.  Even in the New Testament, in a gospel Christ says, I am in God as you are in me.  I don’t have a Bible handy, but if you are a Bible thumper yourself you should have no trouble finding it.  Start in the gospel of John. 

A more accurate concept is found in the verse, I am the vine, you are the branches; I am in the Father as you are in Me.  This is interpreted by modern day mystics as a lineage, having God or the Source of all at its head, that could be called the Christ lineage.  Perhaps the Muslims have a similar lineage with their own Avatar.

Let us have a glimpse of India.  India is much more populated than the US, and of ancient history.  There is one archeological site that claims to have found traces of a sophisticated city state that has been dated to over 25,000 years ago.  I stumbled upon this remarkable study while editing an encyclopedia of India, while working at a university.  Unfortunately, the encyclopedia project became too large and unwieldy, and was abandoned.  There went the corroboration of that fact, outside the Universities of India.  This is a great pity.

The point of bringing up India is the myriad of gods and deities now kept alive by devotees and modern-day mystics who claim direct tutelage from his group’s ancestral teacher.  Christianity was nurtured in a very small geographic area, and of recent history.  The broader concept is that a One was spawned at the fountainhead, the Source.  The teachings, or guidelines for breaking through the veil of forgetting, held by the lineage of that One incubated many more avatars, each having their own thousand-year reign.  Some shorter, some longer.  Had Christianity a more fertile spawning ground, it too may have had more Avatars; proof of concept.

All things spawned on and of earth must eventually wither and die.  And so it is with humanity, some would say our very world.  Christ came at a pivotal time.  There was descending upon the earth a darkening, a forgetting.  Ancients tell us that when we are born, we forget where we came from and who we are.  This is referred to as 'the veil of forgetting'.  Christ came at such a time to provide us with tools specific to this Age to protect against this forgetting.

Then what happened in the Fourth Century A.D./CE?  That nascent gnarly darkness raised its head.  There were factions breeding out there in the desert, and in the city underground catacombs and caves.  Enough of the influential and wealthy benefactors were forming into political groups, claiming that their interpretations of the oral traditions were the only true inheritors directly from the words of Christ.  They gathered in Nicea, and over the course of time put their human stamp and biases onto a narrowly vetted collection of teachings, and declared them The One True Faith (my words).  Many precious teaches and traditions, divinely inspired and equally humanely interpreted, were forgotten and lost beyond the veil of history.  Those that have been unearthed in our recent century, still preserved in caves in the deserts, stab us with the truth.  The tent used to be so much wider.  Our hearts carry memories of our own.  A lively debate and sharing of different aspects of spiritualism awakens us to our own Truths.  Aren’t we all as unique as snowflakes?

Through studies in quantum physics there is a growing belief that a great spiritual awakening is about to happen.  My wish is that brainwashed Christians allow their inner Christ to speak to them, that they may partake in this awakening sooner rather than later, and with less angst.

Paul Simon: "Why Why Why"

 

Paul Simon: “Why Why Why”

The above quote from the album Graceland.

 

So, why do I write this blog? 

Almost no one reads it.  Certainly not even my best friend, unless I pointedly remind him, and then not always.

Maybe I am optimistic, thinking that my future incarnation would stumble across it early in life.  It would then jump start my remembering, which was blown out during the pain of rebirth.  How Cockeyes optimistic is this?  It would depend on

1.     I choose to reincarnate fairly quickly.

2.     The digital technology supporting this is still viable.

3.     The child has early access to digital tools

And then, reader, perhaps you believe reincarnation is hogwash.  In which case, I am spitting into the wind.

Synchronicity

 

How much do we really understand of the universe around us? 

I had my heart set on partaking of an Ayuhuasca Ceremony this month.  Since my sincere desire to leave this life two months ago, I have clung to the idea that this heaviness that burdens me would at last be healed and lifted by breaking outside the barriers of my brain through this particular psychodelic experience.  I was counting down the days until, about ten days before, through a brief flurry of correspondences between myself and the ritual’s host team in Monterrey, Mexico, told me they felt I was not a good fit for their team, and my invitation was rescinded.  I suppose the 1,000 pesos deposit was also refunded, although I have not investigated that.

I was devastated.

Oddly, over the weeks of waiting, in my mind the date shifted.  My mantra was, just hold on until the 28^th.  The burden will be lifted then.

The actual reservation, however, was for the 25^th.

Today is the 28^th.  In these recent weeks I have been less interested in watching Netflix fantasy, and more tuning in to the voices of the spirit world that I have discovered on YouTube channels.  Today I stumbled across a Steven Clements.  This led me to a downloadable file on YouTube through his podcast on Patreon.  This is a new digital world to me, I do not have depth of experience with them.

Clements talks about his ‘team’.  They informed him that in December there would be a strong wave coming to earth.  They offered him, and me by extension, and you, a powerful guided meditation whose purpose is to prepare we clay vessels (my term, not his) to handle these very heavy waves of energy bound for the earth.

After my afternoon weekly meeting today with a handful of other retired ladies here in this tiny Mexican village of El Pozole, we are called ‘the third age club’ (Club de Tercera Edad) and sponsored by the State’s Social Services Department, I came home to listen to this recording I had discovered around noon today.

It expanded me at my core.  My intention is to listen to it again, and often. The claim is that this guided meditation is like training wheels.  If I listen often, I will be more prepared to be a vessel for these waves of energy, assisting my fellow humans to receive this energy and make the most of it when it arrives in December.

I am still reeling.  My body feels so grossly heavy, after coursing through the expansive, limitless  Emptiness of boundless light and love.

Perhaps I will add to the file as the weeks proceed. 

https://www.patreon.com/cw/InfiniteSourceCreations