Sober Gregg

I received a surprising message the other day, on Google groups.  I had blocked Gregg's email from my inbox but apparently he was still within my Google groups, which I don't interact with.

This very brief message informed me that he had suffered cardiac arrest, and was now cold sober in Louisville, Kentucky.

I have thought of him often over this past year and a half.  Deep feelings are there, which I combat by forcefully recalling his ill treatment of me.  This note from a sober Gregg in the States stirred up deep, deep feelings of attachment.  Steady, girl, I had to admonish myself.

I replied with a sympathetic note.  I even went so far as to offer him a room in my Florida house, bunking with Charley.  A token gesture, as I was sure he would not want that.

It has put me back on the roller coaster, although much muted emotions.  I can't help but wonder if life with a sober Gregg would have been possible.

The reality is, he always treated me with utter disregard.  He was unfaithful to me when we were in a relationship, when we tried to be just friends he was clearly a taker and not a giver.

It felt good to be with him when he was nice to me.  We liked the same music, had great intelligent discussions about music and literature.  I loved loving him, but I saw no sign that it was mutual.

That having been said, there is something at the gut level that links us.  And maybe I have just described the core of co-dependence.